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| Aviva's Curious George costume which has been her pajamas recently |
Aviva is having a very hard time lately. There are multiple fits and tantrums happening, daily. If she accidentally gets hurt, it's the end of the world. Or if someone disagrees with her or denies her something, or just says "no," Aviva gets mad, mean, snarly, and destructive. And sometimes things change for no reason, just because. Maybe the direction of the wind has changed.
She and I recently made a chart with many pieces of paper showing what we can do "when meanness comes." Options are to do some deep breathing, take a bath, ask for a hug, spend some time alone, do some drawing, and 4 or 5 other things. Aviva liked coloring the pictures and deciding what should go where. I thought this was a good idea. And Aviva did also. And then she thought it was a good idea to tear it down in a mean fit, because meanness came.
When meanness comes, no one can do anything right and everything is in danger of being destroyed. When meanness subsides, we can talk calmly about how she was feeling, and about books where characters have tantrums and their solutions. She agrees about all the things we can do when she's mad and sometimes she promises that she'll be good at bedtime, and do everything I tell her to do. And then bedtime comes.
What helps her (and what has been the only thing, really) is spending some time by herself. But she won't do it unless she's locked in her old closet/bedroom. And she fights going there, and it's really really hard to get her in and close the door. And then after a minute, she's talking to her dolls and stuffies and pretending she's a kitty and there's all this silly talk and sweet conversation happening - just her. She's fine and she's happy. But she'll sporadically yell out in a mean voice, "BLA BLA BLA!!!!" which could be "leave me alone," or "call Daddy now" or "open the door." Sometimes we'll open the door and she'll want to play with us or meow like a cat or keep talking to her stuffies.
She's so mercurial! So mean and mad and loud and then playful and lovey and then back to being mean. It is exhausting.
